I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
