fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you win again, gameday.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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