Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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