So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
