hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize