I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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