Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Randomize