Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
