Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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