does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
