Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
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