All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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