i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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