are you so shy because you have an std?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
