The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
