We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
