Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize