morning after pill = breakfast in bed
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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