im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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