p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
