Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
