Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Randomize
