Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Randomize
