Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
