I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think I sprained my soul last night
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
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