I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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