Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
