i think my tv is drunk
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
