when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
