After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
