my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
