My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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