I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
