I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
