Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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