i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
