I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize