So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
