Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
