We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
