The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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