I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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