Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
