i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
