My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize