Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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