I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
