guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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