I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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