a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i jhust puked up my retainher.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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