My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
