Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
