she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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