things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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