that's an acceptable place to lick
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
