i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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