oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
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