MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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