hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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