btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I just want nice things and good sex
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
