I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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