lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
