I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
