that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
