Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Randomize
