if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize