ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
