I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize