i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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