there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize