I will die if light touches me.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
