Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
