my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
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