Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
