I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
did you just send me my own nude
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
