I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
