she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
