Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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