At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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