there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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