using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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