why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
