She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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