Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
