i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
