you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
