So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
