6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
