Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Randomize
