i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
