Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
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