I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
