Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize