Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
