Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
