can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
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